


Runner

by jackravenrobyn



Category: The Inheritance Cycle - Christopher Paolini
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overprotective, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-08
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 17:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20343721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackravenrobyn/pseuds/jackravenrobyn
Summary: university AU. EragonXMurtagh eventually. How they end up together and the circumstances that keep throwing them together





	1. Chapter 1

MURTAGH

I’ve always had to run; it’s my way of surviving, forgetting. I ran from my deranged father all those years ago. I run from my friends when they seem to be getting too close. I just thought, when the time came, I would have the guts to stay with him – or let him close for that matter. My life is a mess – always has been – I just thought perhaps I could change it.

-XOX-

“Aww! Come on Taggy!” now you see why I run from my friends, out of sheer irritation with Arya. If it was just Thorn I would have no reason to.

“As it involves clubbing, and eventually practical and/or gay jokes, I think I see fit to decline your offer.”

“Taggy! You’re no fun at all!”

I hate being called that. Arya looked hurt at the mention of the gay jokes, but it serves her right as she’s the only one who makes them. Besides, I’m bisexual.

“No, I have a paper to write.” I had literally just remembered it, so I was quite pleased that it seemed plausible.

“Isn’t it funny that when going out is mentioned, you suddenly have a ton of work to do, but when it’s just us you drop everything and drink yourself senseless?”

Thorn rarely speaks, probably because he has Arya to compete with on that front and you usually can’t get a word in edgeways when she’s around. I summon my most angry stare, fully aware of how much it makes me resemble my father.

“And what, do you mean by __that__?” He opens his mouth to speak but is quickly cut off. Stupid Arya.

“What he means is; you need to get a life! Go out and meet new people. God forbid, you might even have fun!”

“No.” I get up and stride to the door, uncomfortable with the mere thought of it.

“But ‘Tag-“I slam the door on her whiny protests and do what I do best – I run.

-XOX-

I can’t, I just can’t. The rhythmic pounding of my feet and heart slowly calms me, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Why did I forget my iPod? Now I have nothing to distract me. I look up at the buildings and shops flashing past and almost groan when I realize I’m heading in a direction that does __not__ lead back to my flat. No chances of a side-stop to go and get it then.

Why did they have to bring up my social awkwardness? I do try – or at least I used to – but I don’t fit in and somehow manage to alienate people without realising. It’s just that I find it hard to express myself, other than through music. Nobody knows about that though, and I like it better that way. I’d never hear the end of it if Arya found out.

I don’t know why, but I’m going so fast now that the air hurts my chest as I breathe. I should be pacing myself, not outright sprinting.

But then again, if she found out about the music, it wouldn’t be as bad as if she found out about father…NO! Don’t think – just run. Leave him behind. I don’t need him messing with my head.

Without meaning to, I accelerate further. My body is completely pushed to its limit now, and there’s no way I can possibly keep this up for long. I look around me again and inwardly cruse. Somehow I ended up in central campus.

I subconsciously turn down a path that heads in the direction of my flat, but I already know I won’t make it there. It’s at times like this that I really wish I were some sort of cyborg or über human. No! Keep going, just a little further. I can’t let anyone see me like this, just hold on until you get to a more secluded spot.

-XOX-

ERAGON

Since starting university last month, I’ve been swamped with work and my social life had disappeared almost immediately. The times I saw Saphira around, one of us had something to do. Today is the first break in schedule we both had.

I linger as I walk through the wooded area of the park on the outskirts of campus grounds. I know I’ll be late, but I’ve never been known for good timekeeping so it doesn’t bother me too much. I follow the bend in the path and see a student sitting on a bench. His ragged raven hair conceals his face from view in his position hunched over his knees. I hear something that sounds akin to a sob.

“Excuse me, but are you alright?” I cringe at the sound of my voice, husky from lack of use.

The body whips upright, and I can see it is Murtagh, a boy a year or so older than me. His pale face is expressionless but his dark eyes flicker fear and anger in quick succession, before being replaced with the hard stare that it is rare to see him without.

“I’m fine.”

The response is automatic, as if he were used to saying it without thinking. But why…? That’s as much as I can deduce with intuition and an A-level in psychology. I hesitate, unsure if I should get him to open up, but at the same time weary of making Saphira angry with excessive lateness.

“You may leave now.”

He prompts in an icy tone. Definitely hiding something, and whatever it is I will find out. I can’t stand to see people hurting, even__ if__ they deserve it.

-XOX-

MURTAGH

I watch him walk away with what I assume to be relief singing through my veins. I let my rigid body slump as the unsettling boy walks out of view. He saw me at my lowest and didn’t so much as bat an eyelid whereas most people would have left, my reputation alone enough to do that. Those icy blue eyes seemed to look into my very soul and I am glad he left when he did; else I might have done something I would later come to regret.

I sit for a moment longer, puzzling over him before I stand on shaky legs. No point bothering myself over a creepy guy I barely know. I slowly take a short cut through the trees on my weakened legs to get back to my flat as quickly as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

ERAGON

No matter how hard I tried to get rid of it, the image of the momentary emotions on his face had ingrained itself into my head. I was forced to forget about it when something small and blond threw itself at me, crushing me in the process.

“Saph?”

We had finally settled in one of the gardens, catching the last few rays of sunlight at it slowly slipped behind the horizon. She hummed, prompting me to continue.

“I saw a guy on the way here, and I think maybe he needs our help.”

An image of the fear on his face rose up, unbidden. I quickly push it away. She leans up on her elbows to look at me, her curiosity piqued for once.

“Who?” I didn’t hesitate to answer, eager to hear her thoughts on the matter.

“Murtagh, do you know him?”

“Murtagh? Don’t be stupid, he doesn’t need help Eragon! What he needs is a kick up the arse!”

I couldn’t help but be shocked at her reaction, wondering at the reasons behind it. Usually it took a lot to elicit such strong emotions from her. “That’s a little harsh. He’s just misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood is no excuse to be a player.”

“What? I didn’t know that!” I didn’t not believe it either; it seemed to fit that he would be acting out in some way or another.

“Yes, he’s slept with at least half of the student body, male __and__ female.”

“I still think he’s just misunderstood.”

Saphira rolled her eyes when she realized we were going to end up going in circles.

“Look, Eragon. I’m not judging him, I just don’t want to see you hurt is all. So it’s best not to get involved to begin with.”

I couldn’t help but get the feeling that she __was__ judging him, but how could I get hurt?

“Saph! I’m not gay so there’s no chance of that happening!”

Honestly, I would have though shed have dropped that by now, it’s just so __old__. She is silent for a while, as if contemplating her answer.

“That’s what you __think__.” I think I know my own sexuality, thank you very much.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. Come on, let’s get ready for tonight.” Dread flooded my veins instantly. Whatever she had planned, it wasn't going to be good.

“Why, what’s happening?” I asked, proceeding with caution.

“Party, of course! And back to yours after.”

Of course, she was planning on getting so drunk that she couldn’t make it back to her own place. That girl is too much of a party animal, it’s almost unbelievable. It was always like this in college, and even secondary school.

I sigh and reluctantly let her lead me back to my flat so she can pick out something for me to wear that won’t show her up. As if I would do such a thing!

-XOX-

MURTAGH

BANG! BANG! BANG! I am stunned out of my reverie by the sound that seems so alien in comparison to the silence I had previously been enjoying. I wait, hoping against the odds that they just go away

“Tag, I know you’re in there so let me in.” The baritone penetrates my ears and something clicks.

“Is Arya there?” There is silence for a moment, but not enough to make it suspicious.

“Hell no. I’m not that tactless.”

I sigh and roll off the sofa, somehow managing to get myself into a standing position. I run a hand through my slightly long hair, no doubt mussing it up as I made my way to the front door. I open it a crack, letting as little of my dishevelled state show as possible.

“What?”

“I have something for you out here.”

I open the door fully, but other than Thorn, the hallway is empty. Before I can point it out, I am abruptly yanked forwards, and I can hear my door slam shut behind me.

“Right. If you want to get back in tonight, you need your keys. Luckily for you I have your spare ones with me. You can only get them if you come to the party with us and at least __try__ to enjoy yourself.”

Just as I had thought – there was no way Thorn would come up with something like this without Aryas input. I smirk as a thought comes to me – one that could get me out of this mess.

“What? No party clothes? I’m disappointed in you. Looks like I won’t be able to go with you after all, unless you __want__ me to show you up looking like __this__?” The devilish grin that worked itself onto my face wiped my smirk clean away.

“Actually, I did.” She pulled a bag from behind her back and presented it to me. “They’re yours; I just kept forgetting to give them back. Now you have no excuse!”

God how I hate her. I groan inwardly in resignation. “Bitch. I’ll go but I cannot say I will have fun or enjoy any moment of it. I want the keys by midnight though.” The last part was directed at Thorn as he deftly caught the keys thrown to him and pocketed them.

I fix him with a dark stare, to which he has the grace to look away uncomfortably. Looks like he was coerced into this as well, which makes me feel better that he didn’t want to do this to me.

-XOX-

ERAGON

Wow, this is one hell of a party. It helps that whoever lives in it managed to get hold of a decent flat in a good area – neither too close or too far away from the main campus. The deep bass note from the too loud music vibrates through my chest as I wander around the main room, looking for someone I recognize to talk to.

Naturally Saphira ran off to dance the moment we arrived. If what I’ve seen so far can even be called that.

“Hey, Eragon! Didn’t expect to see you here.” I turn to see Cain, a friend from college and grin.

“I didn’t come here of my own free will. Quick, show us the booze while she’s busy!” I let out an uneasy laugh and check the vicinity to make sure she hadn’t overheard me.

I let him lead the way to the kitchen and gaped at the sheer amount there. All of the surfaces were covered, cans and bottles piled up. I had no doubt that the fridge was full to the point of bursting as well.

“Whoa, that’s a lot.” I manage to mutter out, completely shell shocked.

“Nothing we can’t handle, eh?”

I grin at the reference to our wild college days. Unfortunately, it seemed like I was the only one who had calmed down since then. He cracks open a beer, and holds it out to me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that told me he was remembering too.

-XOX-

MURTAGH

I drank on the way there, thinking I might as well make use of the spare time on my hands. When I got there, I stood in a corner, letting the shadows swallow me up while silently finishing my beer. Then I came to a serious dilemma – it had run out.

I crept across the room full of heaving bodies, keeping my head down so I wouldn’t be seen and begged to join in the ‘fun’. At least I’m skinny, there’s no way anyone but me would have been able to navigate through that without causing a disturbance or getting groped along the way.

I saw an opening and took it, lunging for a bottle and quickly downing it before starting on another. When that was finished I became aware of a pair of electric blue eyes watching me.

“What? Never seen anyone drink before?”

I glance at my blond observer briefly before opening a bottle of vodka. This I would have to take slower.

“Not like that.”

Something snapped and in my mind’s eye I saw a dreadful sneer, which appeared so much more real than a dredged up memory.

“Suggesting something there, boy?” I stepped up to him, using my superior height to intimidate him.

“No, it’s just…” I bent so our faces were inches apart.

“You think I’m an alcoholic, don’t you? Hmm?”

He opens his mouth to speak but I am too quick for him. I kiss him to shut up whatever smart-assed comment he was about to come up with. He’s unresponsive, submissive even. That’s what I think right up to the point he reacts to my tongue trying to gain entry to his mouth, and his fist connects with the side of my face.

It was intended to get me off, not to actually cause pain. I back off, for some reason laughing hysterically as I do so. I am quickly hidden by the dancing crowd, which I quickly manoeuvre around to find Thorn.

“Thorn, can I have my keys now?”

“Did you have fun?” He asks, tossing me the keys.

The image of the boy standing there with a mixture of shock and outrage on his face causes me to grin involuntarily.

“Yes, yes I did.”

He smiles I relief, but only because he doesn’t know the reason, and I’m not about to tell him any time soon. So I walk away, blending into the darkness as I make my way home, still carrying a half-full bottle of vodka in my hand. The perks of years of practice means that I don’t stagger or appear in any way drunk to the occasional person that passes by.

-XOX-

ERAGON

I watch him saunter off with a mixture of outrage, disgust and … my god, is that regret? I don’t know why I hit him though, I was rather enjoying it – wait, I didn’t just think that. After all; I’m straight, not gay.

The sheer nerve of it though! I’m not going to simply let myself become one of his conquests, regardless of how attractive he may be. Perhaps the terrible secret that’s eating him up caused him to act out? Even more reason to help him so he can live a normal life and stop alienating people. His actions only make me more determined to help.


	3. Chapter 3

MURTAGH

I had been laying on something uncomfortable for a while, refusing to leave the sleep clouded haze. I knew I was fighting a losing battle. I wearily opened my eyes, only to see my lost TV remote. Then I wonder why I am on the floor next to my shabby old sofa with an empty bottle of vodka laying on its side by my head. Then it comes back to me. I can remember falling on my face and not being bothered to get up again. I sit up, using the sofa to lean on for support and suddenly extremely glad that I don’t get hangovers.

I slowly stand and shrug out of my jacket, wincing at the tug in my sore muscles, and dump it on the low table in front of me. After the excessive running I did yesterday, I’m surprised I can even move, let alone walk. I pad over to a shelf on the far wall, attempting to ease my muscles as I did so.

I quickly realize that it wouldn’t work and switch on my iPod in its docker and crank it up to full volume. I head for the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes in my wake. That’s one of the many benefits of not having a flatmate – no one to tell me off.

The shower sputters on as the first notes of the song begin. I turn up the temperature until it will go no further and step under the scalding spray. The temperature doesn’t bother me, but instantly starts to relax my stiff muscles.

The water runs down my hair and drips into my eyes. I think back to last night, with a feeling that something happened that I should remember, something important. What exactly happened? I tried to hide, blending into the dark corners. Then my drink ran out, and I had to make my way through the dancers, facing all the perils that came with it. I made it to the kitchen unhindered – a feat in itself.

There was someone there, someone rather short that I didn’t recognize. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. Whoever it was, they were blond and tasted nice. With the most unusual cerulean eyes I have seen. Wait a minute – how exactly did I know they tasted nice?

Oh no, I have a terrible feeling that I have made a fool of myself once again. This is the reason that I don’t go out much, why I prefer to drink alone or with my friends. That description sounds a little like father-

No. Don’t think about him. I punch the ceramic tiles in front of me, over and over, many times after I slit the skin of my knuckles.

I can almost hear him ‘Murtagh, you little bastard! You need to be punished…‘haven’t I suffered enough already? I begin to sob, not for the pain but for my inability to function normally. The scars on me only prove that I am just a stupid, clumsy nobody. I shouldn’t have gone last night, this disaster was preventable. Why did I ever give into that bitch Aryas demands?

-XOX-

ERAGON

We finally staggered in the direction of my apartment at three in the morning, once the party had finally started winding down. We were giggling and tripping over our feet, using the other to lean on in an attempt to have more balance, when I said something I shouldn’t have. She was going on about some guy she had her eyes on, which made me feel left out. Childish, I know, but it did.

“Saph, guess what – I pulled! How weird is that?”

It was a slight – okay, massive – exaggeration, but she didn’t need to know that. She stopped dead and – because I was leaning against her – I stumbled to a halt.

“You pulled? Exactly how much have you had to drink?” Her speech was slurred, but still recognizable and she swayed where she stood.

“I did too! And I bet you can’t guess who!”

I don’t know what compelled me to brag, but I just couldn’t help myself. She giggled and lurched forwards, dragging me with her.

“Let me see… male or female?” I could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn’t believe me.

“Male.” She didn’t show any surprise, but continued to look thoughtful – or as thoughtful as a drunken person can look.

“Tall or short?”

“Incredibly tall. I’d say about this high.” I try to indicate with my hand, but fail when Saphira lurches us to the side.

“Okay, hair colour and style.” It was at this point that I could tell she was actually starting to take me seriously.

“Black and shaggy.”

“Eye colour.”

“Hazel.” We passed through the gates of the University Park, taking a short-cut back – through the deadly silent woods.

“Do I know them?” We unconsciously walk closer to each other, whilst still managing to prop each other up.

“You know__ of__ them.”

“Gay, straight or bi?” I snorted at the fact that she had included straight, trying not to giggle out loud.

“Bi.”

“Hmm, that’s a toughie.” We passed through another set of gates, leaving the park and being not all that far away from my flat. She hiccuped before continuing her out loud musings. “Tall, male, black hair, hazel eyes and bi? It could only be…”

She gasped and staggered off the kerb, pulling me with her. “No!” My face had broken into a massive grin, hoping that she had come to the right conclusion but at the same time already knowing she had. “Not…Murtagh?”

She giggled softly, trying to hide it. “Yep.”

“Didn’t even know he was there. Thorn was though, and Murtaghs usually not too far behind.” She giggled again, not even bothering to conceal it this time. “Come on; let’s go home before I die of laughter!”

With that she broke into peals of hysteric laughter as she tugged me down the empty streets with a confused expression on my face. She didn’t even react to what I had told her, barely batting an eyelid. Why did she have such an under reaction?

-XOX-

The next morning, or at least it felt like morning instead of late afternoon (we had only fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning) Saphira left for her own flat – and her top secret hangover treatment. No matter how badly I need it or have needed it in the past, she won’t tell what it is.

After Murtagh left, something in me snapped and I drank recklessly. I’m deeply regretting it now that my head feels like it is being cloven in two. I had to settle with painkillers and slept the way right through until the next morning, feeling much better but not perfect.

-XOX-

What’s wrong with me? I never noticed it before, but they’re all so hot! And – as creepy as it sounds – I don’t mean the girls. I can’t believe I’m actually thinking this. On the way to science, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from that guys arse! Admittedly it was rather nice, but still! I need to get a grip on myself – as far as I’m aware I still like women.

If I ever liked them to begin with… where did that thought come from? Looking back, I’ve never had a girlfriend before. But I have crushed on several, so why would I think that all of a sudden?

I’m meeting with Saphira after class, maybe shell know what’s going on. I hope so, since the confusion is making me feel almost physically sick.

MURTAGH

I feel odd.

I have been feeling off ever since the party Arya forced me to go to.

It seems as if something is missing, something important, and it’s frustrating not knowing what. Even Thorn and Arya have noticed. They haven’t said anything yet, but they will. I’ll be cornered by them some when, that much is certain.

And for once I will tell them; something is missing.

Perhaps they will know what, or can help me in some way. Either that or Arya will just get me into even more trouble than I am already in. Perhaps I can arrange a drink-and-tell, it has been so very long since we last had one and I’m sure they have news to tell too.

Then again, maybe I won’t – last time I got forced into one of Aryas mini-dresses. That was not fun!

I think she still has the pictures…


	4. Chapter 4

ERAGON

Epiphany moment! I realize now, it all makes sense! I liked that guys arse because it reminded me of __him__. Now that I realize this I can see that everything relates back to __him__ somehow! Although I have no idea why that means anything to me.

I think I like him, that dark, lanky and so very reckless boy. The way he wears those eye-poppingly tight jeans and how his hair screams ‘just shagged’. And that sinfully sexy smirk of his –

“Earth to Eragon!”

I snap my head to the right too fast and pull a muscle, which causes Saphira to laugh. She really is sadistic at times.

I let her lead the way, not really minding where we went. “Hey.” I’m embarrassed that I was thinking like that in public, suddenly glad that Saphira can’t read my mind.

“You looked like a love struck teenager for a moment back then.”

A hollow dread fills me, starting in my stomach and slowly spreading outwards. If she knows, who else? My classes? The whole of campus? __Him__? Realisation dawns when I see her face – she was teasing me.

I let out an awkward laugh and try to pass it off as nothing, though from my reaction, I have no doubt that she’s twigged. She should really stop doing that, people might get the wrong idea.

“Oh my god.” She breathes softly, so soft I only just catch it. “I was right, wasn’t I? Who is it? Tell me the whole story – and I mean__ everything__!” The dread returns, only this time with the force of a tsunami. I still attempt to shake it off as nothing.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just making a big deal out of it, is all.”

We entered a clearing in the forest, and sat facing each other in the middle of the grassy bit. The trees and bushes make almost a solid wall around us, giving the impression of safety.

“Please? It’ll make you feel better.” She looks at me with her blue eyes, turning on their persuasion power and cranking it up to maximum. I close my eyes, considering it. I sigh, before reopening my eyes.

Without hesitation I say, “I’m gay. I think.” She raises an eyebrow, seeing through my ploy and deeming it an unsatisfactory answer.

“I already knew that, I asked who he is.”

There’s no fooling her – she never takes the bait, not once. I swear she’s too damn perceptive at times. At least I’m not in denial any more

MURTAGH

I was heading home from the last class of the day when I saw him.

He was walking with a girl shorter than himself and looked very agitated.

I don’t know why, but I followed them to the clearing, worming my way through the trees and bushes until I could hear them speak. I watch the conversation with morbid obsession, listening to every word. I had obviously missed the beginning of the conversation, the stuff they said on their way here, so the first thing said drew my attention immediately

“I…I like Murtagh.” His hesitance and unwillingness to tell Saphira is obvious. But she persisted and got the bare, ugly truth. She just sat there, stunned. It was actually quite funny and I would have laughed, but the torment on his face was genuine.

Perhaps I now this guy. Not me – who would like me – but someone I know or know of. I thought I was the only one at university with that name?

I turn back to the clearing, seeing movement. Saphira had snapped out of her reverie, and sounded a little disappointed. “Since when?”

The boy shifted uncomfortably, the only indication that he had picked up on her tone of voice. “Since he tried to … kiss me … at the party the other night.”

Wait that was me.

He likes me? Why? What could he possibly see that he likes? From my track record, he must know that id only end up hurting him.

“He did __what__?!”

“Saph! I told you on the way home! It’s not my fault you were so pissed you couldn’t even stand straight, never mind listen when I had something important to tell you!”

I’ve heard all I need to. I turn to leave but rebound off of something that was immediately behind me and land heavily on my backside. I glance up quickly to confirm that I was caught in the act.

Thorn pulls me up and shoves me quickly into the clearing with Eragon and Saphira in. I stumble and fall before jumping up and stalking back towards him. Is he an idiot or something?!

ERAGON

“He’s going to be here soon.” Her words send an icy stab of fear into my chest. I don’t want to see him, I __can’t__.

“Why?” My eyes dart around, searching for any possible escape routes – not that shed let me go if there were any.

“I’m going out with Thorn, his best friend, and we decided it would be nice if we could all hang out together. He said they’d be there even if he has to drag Murtagh kicking and screaming…”

It looked like Thorn had been true to his word.

Murtagh had literally been thrown bodily into the clearing and was making an attempt at escape while screaming unintelligible words at the form of Thorn emerging from the shadows. Murtagh paused for breath, before yelling coherently this time.

“What did you do that for you maniac?!”

Before I realized what was happening, thorn had grabbed Murtagh by the throat and lifted him into the air. Despite having 3 inches on him at 6’3”, Thorn had to raise Murtagh higher than himself to make sure he couldn’t reach the ground.

I felt a twinge of … something … when I noticed that his thrashing feet were several inches away from the ground. That was the first time I heard Thorn speak, despite having seen him around university a lot.

“Don’t do that again. I’m going to forget I saw that, so you be civil to my girlfriend and her best friend, got it?” he emphasised his last words by roughly shaking him. His face had gone red, and his body limp. I couldn’t take it any more, I had to do something.

“Stop!” Thorn turned to look at me, a little surprised. “I said stop! Put him down!”

He dropped Murtagh and went to sit with Saphira, who hadn’t moved since they had shown up. She immediately turned to her boyfriend, not seeming to care about Murtaghs wellbeing at all.

Murtagh lay in a crumpled pile, gasping as his lungs desperately tried to re-oxygenate his body.

I watch him for a moment, before turning to join the lovebirds. I don’t want to do anything stupid, or attract unnecessary attention to myself. That and I honestly did not know what to do in that situation. How often does someone get throttled in front of you?

MURTAGH

Well that went well.

I nearly get killed and nobody but the boy seem to care. He’s been giving me badly disguised worried glances ever since I reluctantly went to sit with them. They seem to be talking animatedly about some trip to a local club, how excited they are or whatever. I don’t particularly care, I’m not exactly paying that much attention to them.

“So, Murtagh, what’re you planning to wear? Über tight jeans and tee or something different for once?”

I turn my head to fix Saphira with an icy stare. I don’t much like her or the way she acts, and after Thorn nearly throttling me, I’m not in the best of moods.

“What makes you think I’d go anywhere with a murderer, a whore or frigid boy over there?”

I get up and do what I do best: I run.

I had to hurt the boy, it was the best I could do as it would only hurt more the longer I left it. I had to get rid of his hope.

I caught a glimpse of Eragons face, seeing it crumple and instantly regretting it. Immediately I wanted to go back, but after what I said, it just wasn’t an option.

The look on his face…I don’t know why it affected me so badly – usually I don’t feel anything when I let other people down.

I don’t get it, after all he’s just a boy I barely know!

ERAGON

“What makes you think I’d want to go anywhere with a murderer, a whore and frigid boy over there?” I blink in shock.

He thinks I’m frigid?

It is true that I’ve not had a chance to disprove it. Saphira is looking at me, hurt for me reflected in her eyes.

“Bastard…” Thorn mutters.

I feel hollow. I really should go. I need to get away from everyone, the blow is breaking me and I don’t want them to see.

“I’m sorry, Saph, but I really have to go now.”

I need to leave; I can feel the tears pricking my eyes but suppress them for the moment as the hurt of such a brutal rejection almost overloads my heart. It is all I feel – I am encompassed in a cocoon of hurt and depression.

I cannot resist it; it is a relief to let out the pent up emotions now that I am not within close proximity of other people. I stop walking and let out a silent scream – silent because my voice has long since stopped cooperating. I collapse at the base of a massive oak tree when I have run out of breath and just lean there, sobbing my heart out for all of its worth.

After what seems an age, I hear someone approaching and find that I no longer care.

“Hey.”

I launch myself at her as soon as I hear the sound of her soothing voice. I want to be held like a child, have my pain taken away from me. I want everything to be made alright again.

-XOX-

Hollow. That’s all I feel now, all I think. Nonetheless I go through the motions, pretend everything is all right – not that anyone believes it.

Murtagh ignores me most of the time, which doesn’t hurt as much as when a venomous insult is hurled in my direction. In fact, at this point I much prefer being ignored.

So I mostly try to stay away when something has been arranged. I only see him now when we ‘accidentally’ bump into each other – sometimes literally. I hate the stinging comments about my clumsiness, and cannot wait to leave. I often have to make up excuses in those situations. ‘Frigid boy’ seems to be my new nickname now.

I hate what he’s doing and how it affects me. Even after how he treats me, I find myself still liking him. Messed up, or what? I try to stop, but it doesn’t work.


	5. Chapter 5

MURTAGH

I am a coward. I try to run from him liking me, but he shows up everywhere in spite of that. It’s not that I don’t like him liking me – on the contrary I’m rather flattered. I just don’t want to hurt him. I’ve seen the expressions on countless faces when they realize I’m not that into them, or just don’t like them.

I let people down and I don’t want to take the risk on this one.

But I __am__ hurting him; my nasty comments and outright ignoring him don’t seem to dissuade him, and I can tell that his crush on me is still there. Its better this way, rather than having the relationship turn nasty or have a messy break up. He’s different somehow, and it’s confusing me.

I’m tired of hurting people. I’m slowly trying to change myself, taking small steps. Social interaction is at the top of my list, so I’m taking a guy to a club not far from where I live.

I flick on my iPod in its docker and crank up the volume before retreating to my bedroom. I stop, open the wardrobe and inspect the contents. Now, what shall I wear?

I finally decide on a full sleeved red fishnet shirt, tight black vest and a pair of tighter-than-tight jeans with red paint splatters up the legs. A couple of belts, wristbands, a little mascara and a ton of eyeliner later and I’m ready.

If it weren’t already known that I went both ways, this would set them straight. Not that I’m a pansy or anything – far from it - I just like to harness my assets to make myself look somewhat attractive. I’m not exactly bothered about the means to make it a reality but if anyone comments on it, they will seriously regret it. Like I said; not a pansy.

My date won’t be here for another ten minutes so I retrieve my leather jacket and sit on the sofa, listening to the music to pass the time.

The lyrics struck a chord within me, but why did it make me think about the boy?! It makes no sense; there was no relevance to him at all!

The doorbell finally rings. Something – or should I say someone – to take my mind off of things.

ERAGON

I understand now why he drinks.

Over the past few days it has increasingly become a habit. And so I sit alone on my bed, can of beer in my hand and dozens of empty ones littered around my feet, intending to drink myself into oblivion…screw my liver.

There seems to be a faint sound coming from the hallway outside, but the music’s on too loud for me to be certain. The world could end and I wouldn’t even notice. The doorbell rings, and I find my body automatically going to answer it.

“What?”

The door is only open a crack, but that’s all I need to see its just Saphira.

“Why are you doing this? You know were going out tonight to cheer you up!”

“No, __we__ aren’t. Go if you must, but it will be alone.”

I try to shut the door without much success in my semi-drunken state. Saphira takes advantage of my fucked up balance and forces the door open. I am ashamed to say that the force sends me flying, making me land in a dazed heap several feet away.

“Come with me.” She takes my hand and pulls me up and over to my room.

She stops; taking in the sight of the abandoned cans, shakes her head with a sigh and enters cautiously. She sits me on my bed and begins to rummage through my wardrobe and various other drawers that contain items of clothing.

She turns off the music as she passes it, no doubt finding it too depressing for her taste. Well, I guess all good things must come to an end.

She’s muttering to herself, but I can’t hear what she’s saying – which is probably a good thing. It’s most likely to do with the ‘unsuitable’ clothes I have. It’s not like I haven’t heard it hundreds of times before.

“Aha!” She pauses her searching long enough to throw me a white, full-sleeved muscle tee that I would never wear of my own free will.

This could be one hell of a long night.

Next I am thrown a very baggy pair of ripped up blue jeans followed by converses, black fingerless riding gloves and a black studded belt. I look down at the get-up, completely horrified.

I correct myself: this is __definitely__ going to be a long night.

I just hope she doesn’t mess with my hair or put any make up on me – I do have __some__ pride left.

-XOX-

“Come on! Are you determined to ruin my evening?”

I sit at the bar, as far away from the pounding pop music and swirling strobe lights that were slowly giving me a headache. The cocktail in front of me is downed quickly, only to be replaced by another. I barely even tasted the first.

“No, I am determined to ruin my evening. Go have fun with someone else, I told you before that I wasn’t interested or likely to have fun. I don’t want to have to repeat myself again.”

She looks sadly at me for a moment. “Don’t get too drunk and wait for me: I need somewhere to crash tonight.” She walks off and I get what I want – I am finally left alone.

-XOX-

“How many have you had exactly? You should take it slower.”

The voice comes from a guy sitting next to me at the bar. I glance over and – although sitting – I can tell that he is very tall.

“You look lonely, so I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll keep you company, and in return you lay off the drink a little.”

How up himself is this guy?!

“I’m not about to make a deal with someone I don’t know.” I scoffed, hoping he’d go away.

“Then let’s get to know each other. I’m Matt.”

His charisma really is astounding.

“Eragon.” I grunt in response, rolling my eyes. This guy intrigues me but I keep up the pretense of not wanting him there.

“Now that’s over with, let’s dance!”

He grabs my hand and pulls me behind him to the dance floor.

“What makes you think that I want to dance with you?!”

I yell to be heard above the music. Hell, if it __was__ quieter I probably would’ve yelled anyway. I’ve only liked one guy before, so I wasn’t sure if I could like more or if it was just a one off.

“You were lonely. And every other guys taken.”

Wait, what?

“Who said I was gay?!” He turns to give me a look that says: __seriously?__

“Have you__ seen__ what you look like? It practically screams ‘gay and single, come get me”’ and there I was thinking it was intentional.”

I curse Saphira for making it so blatantly obvious.

“My friend – “

“Shut up and dance!” He leans forwards before adding, “I want to see that sexy arse move!”

Surprisingly, I don’t mind the last comment, finding myself grinning shyly and taking him up on the offer.

-XOX-

MURTAGH

The first thing I do when I get there is gulp down a drink or two to calm my nerves – dates tend to make me uncomfortable. I would have had more if it was up to me, but my ‘date’ was whining something about dancing. I had to shut him up somehow: after all he was supposed to be my diversion for the night.

Though all he would be good for was a fuck later.

I might as well use him to try to forget things, if only briefly. I let him pull me onto the dance floor, only to take the dominant role. I don’t want him getting the idea that I won’t own his arse later on.

-XOX-

“Look at those two over there!” My partner yelled into my ear, mid grind and without missing a beat.

I had a sudden feeling, I’m not sure what it was exactly but it made me feel sick. Then, quickly as it came, it passed and what had been stopping me from turning around was gone.

There was no way I liked what I saw – Eragon dancing with another guy in an incredibly … sexy manner, not seeming to care about the hand on his arse or the other touching him all over. I minded, though. Why was he letting this guy do that to him?!

I turn away, feeling sick again from the sight of it. I hurry to the door, and into the cool night air. There is a familiar restlessness inside me, but I try to push it away by pacing back and forth quickly, earning myself curious glances from the smokers.

The door opens behind me, but I don’t want to see who it is. No, I already know that it’s not Eragon. So I let the restlessness simply take over and let my feet carry me away from the pain and longing, lust and confusion. All the while I had to remind myself constantly that keeping my distance was in Eragons best interests. I would try not to interfere as best I could.


	6. Chapter 6

ERAGON

“Will you come and meet my friends sometime?” I ask Matt.

We’re in his flat and, up until that point, had been making out on the sofa: the T.V. was on but completely forgotten about since we got started, becoming merely background noise. He mumbles something into my neck which I do not hear. Or at least I think he does, judging from the brief tickling vibration.

“I’m sorry, what did you say exactly? My neck doesn’t seem to be able to hear.” I giggle softly at my own joke.

He moves upwards slightly, and whispers in my ear, “If I have to.”

His warm breath tickles. He begins to softly nibble my earlobe which sent sparks shooting through me, making my stomach flutter with nerves.

The whole ‘boyfriend experience’ is entirely new to me, and I’m not yet used to it. My stomach is just being stupid, can’t it tell that this is a good –

__What the hell__? No, this is taking things too fast. Stop, stop! Not good!

“Don’t…”

I move his hand away, instantly feeling calmer and a whole lot better. I don’t want him to touch me there again, not yet at least.

I just … panicked.

-XOX-

Man, my friends are really hard to distract. I don’t know how I didn’t notice until now. They suspect something, I can tell. Murtagh's just sitting and staring at me, as if he can tell what I have planned. Staring into my very soul, almost. It’s rather disconcerting not having me ignore me as per usual.

“What are you hiding?” He cocks his head to the side, looking casually sexy.

Not that I was thinking that or anything, what with me having a boyfriend and all. __And__ I’m completely over him, I swear. But I still flush red and quickly look away. With good reason; this is the first time he’s been civil to me since the party – not that he was exactly civil then, either.

“Eragon?”

Saphira asks, hidden somewhere in Thorns arms. When I don’t answer, her head emerges and she fixes me with a penetrating gaze – which isn’t quite as unnerving as Murtagh being nice. Even then, I am unable to put up with it for long, and I can feel my resistance crumble in seconds.

“I … I wanted you to meet my boyfriend.” I shift uncomfortably under their gaze, fearing too look up at them.

“You called?”

I marvel at his almost perfect timing. Weirdly, everyone’s staring at him as if he were a maniac, but I pretend not to notice.

“What? No kiss?”

He pouts cutely until I tilt my face to give him access. He bends and moves his lips against mine. His tongue slips into my mouth, but I push him away.

“Not here!” I hiss at him, almost resembling a tomato in hue.

I’ve never been one for PDA, and taking part in it myself is making me beyond uncomfortable.

I earn myself a little frown from Matt when I call Murtaghs name at his hurriedly retreating form. I turn back to Matt, and give him a hesitant smile, taking his hand despite my embarrassment.

If anything, yelling after him only made Murtagh leave faster. I just wanted him to accept us, for some insane reason.

But no, that’s too much to ask from mega-asshole, I suppose.

At least he’s starting to be somewhat nicer to me as of late, but I think what happened today completely destroyed that.

MURTAGH

I love him; that’s what I’ve been feeling these last few days. The feeling is so alien to me, I didn’t know what it was until now. Until I saw that he had moved on.

I have to admit that I am happy for him, although it’s killing me to imagine them together. Not that it is necessary to __imagine__ any more. 

They’ve started kissing now, and while something just shattered in my chest I’m glad he’s found someone to be with and will take care of him.

Why?

Because I know I would never have been able to do that for him.

They don’t look like they’re about to stop their face-sucking any time soon, and I don’t want to get stuck with two couples: I’m not__ that__ desperate for company.

I get up, leave the café and run. I run faster than I have ever run before, and arrive back at my flat in record time – thankful that it wasn’t far away enough for there to be a repeat performance of the last breakdown I had.

I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, as well as happy for him. It terrifies me.


	7. Chapter 7

ERAGON

After the rather awkward affair at the café, Matt and I went back to mine and lazed on the sofa. We exchanged quick kisses, but nothing heated.

“That went rather well, don’t you think?”

It took me a moment to realize that he was talking about earlier.

“But ‘Tag…” I trailed off, still feeling conflicted and wholly unsure what to make of him.

“Murtagh doesn’t count: you said he was a major asshole.”

But that doesn’t necessarily mean his opinion doesn’t matter, despite how he has treated me in the past. But it had been changing – however slowly – and I realize that I have probably ruined it all now. Despite that, I just can’t think badly of him.

“Yeah, but – “ He catches my lips with his own, regrettably expelling all thought from my mind.

“No buts. Now, how about we take things up a notch?”

His had drifts up my thigh to rest seductively on my crotch. Only it doesn’t feel seductive, just nasty and wrong. I am aware it should have felt right, but I can’t help how I feel.

I __do__ like him, just not him touching me__ there__. It makes me feel … pressured. I’m not ready for that kind of thing, not yet at least.

“Don’t…” I gasp into his neck, failing to push away the flaring panic.

“Jeez! What’s your problem? I bet you let __him__ touch you there – “ What! How could he even suggest such a thing?

“– No! I don’t! I want you, but I’m just not ready for that kind of thing yet…”

He is silent for a moment, not looking at me. “Fine.”

He gets up and storms out of my apartment without once looking back. I know better than to try to stop him when he’s like this.

Why is he acting like this? He’s not normally this frustrated.

-XOX-

“What’s wrong with me, Saph?”

I honestly have no idea, I just want to make him happy and overcome whatever it is that’s making me hold back. She thinks about it for a brief moment, taking a sip of her tea as she does so.

“Nothing.” I’d like to believe that, but I know she’s just trying to be nice.

“I haven’t slept with Thorn yet.”

Whoa, did __not__ see that coming! Also – too much information.

“And he’s really sweet about it too! He says he won’t do anything until I’m ready – “I roll my eyes when I realize she’s starting on a spiel about her boyfriend.

“– how does that help me exactly?”

I hate it when she goes off on one about Thorn like that. I don’t have anything against him personally, it just gets annoying.

“I was getting to that. If he’s as pushy as you say he is, I think he’s only in it for the sex: he doesn’t like you the same way you like him.”

How could she even suggest that? He loves me, he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally! We have something special; it’s not purely based on the physical side.

__Then why does he push you?__ A little voice asks.

“No, it’s not like that! __He’s__ not like that! He wouldn’t do that to me!” I’m yelling now, trying to drown out my doubtful thoughts.

“Wouldn’t he?”

In spite of my anger, Saphira remains calm. I push down my own fears, denying it could even be possible.

“No! Why would you even suggest that?”

I storm out of her flat, tears already blurring my vision by the time I slam the door behind me.

What if she’s right? She can’t be, he wouldn’t do that! He couldn’t!

MURTAGH

“Is it me or is she hanging around with us more than usual?” It’s annoying how I haven’t been able to talk to Thorn alone recently.

“She had a fight with Eragon. About Matt.”

Shizz, no wonder I haven’t seen him around in a while. Not that I’m complaining, the pain has lessened by itself, but it is not gone altogether.

“What? Frigid boy won’t put out and Matt’s getting frustrated? Don’t blame him really.”

I can’t help but joke, it’s my way of finding out what’s wrong without it seeming as though I care.

A large hand squeezes my throat, cutting off the air supply. It’s a side effect of joking around.

“Don’t. Don’t you __dare__ say things like that about him or I swear I’ll – “

Bullseye then. I just hope Eragon knows what he’s gotten himself into.

” – Put ‘Tag down, Thorn.” Saphira, my saviour, has arrived!

I didn’t know that was the reason, but I thought Eragon had more sense than to date someone so pushy. Maybe this Matt isn’t as great as he seems to be. I just hope I wasn’t wrong in trusting him to take care of Eragon.


	8. Chapter 8

ERAGON

No, no, no! This cant be happening, make it stop!

“No!”

“Yes Eragon! I __will__ get what I want whether or not you like it!”

He rips open my shirt, sending the buttons skittering in all directions. He eyes me up as if he were about to eat me.

“No! Stop, stop!”

A loud crack resonates around the room and – to my relief – his eyes roll back into his head as he collapses into unconsciousness.

A few paces behind where he previously was, Saphira stands with the baseball bat I keep by the front door in her hands. I had never thought there would actually have been a reason to use it. In that moment, I’ve never been gladder to see her in my life. She soon drops the bat with a loud __klunk__ when I hug her small frame, sobbing.

“Saph … I’m so sorry, I should have believed you. Maybe then he wouldn’t have tried to … to …”

She wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry into her shoulder.

“It’s okay Eragon. It’s my job to fight off any asshole boyfriends you have.”

-XOX-

MURTAGH

Shit. Saphira came to Thorn’s flat and told us everything. I swear I’m going to beat that creep to a bloody pulp for using Eragon that way.

“You coming Thorn?” He frowns and tilts his head to the side, as if asking why.

“To make that motherfucker wish he’d never been born.”

My voice shakes in anger and I would imagine that I look absolutely furious – if not mental. Keeping my anger in check right now is unbelievably hard, and I’ll teach that fucker a lesson by myself if Thorn won’t come.

He shares a look with Saphira that says: see? He does care.

We leave the apartment and head for the city centre. Clubs and bars first – the sleazeball is most likely to be there – his flat later.

Saphira heads back to Eragons, to make sure he doesn’t turn up there. I doubt he’ll want to again after I’m through with him.

Why didn’t I see this coming? I could have stopped him from getting hurt – but no. I was – still am – too afraid to let my feelings show, or even to let myself feel them. It’s too late to change what happened; all that’s left is to make the bastard pay for his mistakes.

-XOX-

ERAGON

“No! They can’t, they can’t! Stop them Saph, please…”

I cant explain it exactly, but I’m afraid for him.

“You’re still standing up for him after what he tried to do to you?”

“He did nothing wrong! Its me! Its all my fault, and now Thorn and Murtagh… I could have __made __myself ready!”

-XOX-

MURTAGH

“’Tag, stop!”

The voice is agitated, but like hell I’m going to. Not until he’s paid for hurting my Eragon! He deserves this and a whole lot more for doing that.

“He’s had enough!”

Wait, he’s mine now? __Yes__ a voice growls in my head, daring me to argue. If only he were mine in reality, instead of in my head. Thorn hauls me away from the cowering figure on the floor.

No, don’t stop me!

“He has to pay, Thorn! He has to pay for hurting my Eragon!”

Aw, crap. Why did I have to say that? My eyes widen when I realise what could have been inferred. I try to run, but Thorn grabs my upper arm as I pass him. He is silent for a while, thinking of a way to properly word his thoughts – probably trying to avoid angering me any further than I already am.

“Do you want to see if he’s okay?”

He won’t say anything, not until I’m more comfortable with how I feel. He’s probably guessed a lot from my recent actions, but not everything, so no doubt I’ll be confronted with it in the near future.

His tactful silence is one of the reasons I’m still friends with him; he’ll always be there for you and keep quiet about anything you don’t want other people to know. Unless him speaking up is for your own good, in which case he most definitely will.

-XOX-

ERAGON

__Knock knock knock!__ Could it be too much to hope for? I knew he’d come back! I just need to explain everything, and then we can go back to how things were.

“Matt!” I squeal and run to let him in.

Only it isn’t him.

Its Murtagh and Thorn, the former trying to hide split, blood covered knuckles. They really did it. Knowing that just cements the end of the relationship.

I know now that it is unsalvageable.

I turn and run through to my bedroom, tears spilling down my face as I slam the door, unable to hide the pain that the knowledge brought.

MURTAGH

I heard it – how could I not? He was expecting Matt, not Thorn and me. We were a disappointment to him. The story of my life, really.

It is true that I cannot live up to expectations, that was why I pushed him away in the first place. Look where that ended up. I can’t seem to do right by him, no matter how much I strive to.

Saphira came back from Eragons room when the sounds of his distress had faded away.

“He’s asleep. I’d like to stay with him, to make sure he’s ok.”

I can’t help but notice that she’s addressing Thorn, as if I’m not there. Maybe I’m not: maybe I’m still beating that bastard up. In my mind’s eye, at least, I am.

“We’ll stay too.”

Wait, what gives Thorn the right to make decisions for me? I __am__ aware enough to make up my own mind; it just happens that I rebel out of reflex.

“There’s not enough room for all of us, and my apartment’s closest so I’ll go-“

Why did I just say that? I want to stay with him, make sure he’s as okay as he can be in the given situation. And maybe dish out some advice if he needs it.

“No, stay. He still likes you, deep down. I can tell it will mean a lot to him if you don’t run this time.”

-XOX-

“Oh, grow some balls, Murtagh!”

Saphira is __really__ creeping me out right now – and that is something I thought I’d never get the chance to say.

“No! I’m not sleeping in the same bed as him, even if it __is__ a double!”

In case it wasn’t obvious, she’s suggesting that Thorn and I share the sofa bed while she kicks it with Eragon. No way am I doing that. I can’t say I blame her for not trusting anyone but herself with Eragon.

“Please? For Eragons sake?”

Screw this. I would do many things for Eragon, most of them unpleasant, but not this. It doesn’t feel right, even though Thorn is my best friend. It’s almost as if I’m cheating just by entertaining the thought. Even though you technically can’t cheat on someone you’re not dating, I still can’t do it.

“What the hell? I’m not doing this. I’ll be at my place, so call me if you need me or…or something happens.”

There it is again; Thorn just shot Saphira the ‘see, he does care’ look. That seems to be happening increasingly lately…

I decide to ponder it later and concentrate on leaving before Saphira can try to guilt trip me into staying.

All I can say is: at least she’s not as bad as Arya is.

-XOX-

Saphira must be messing with me. He doesn’t still like me, he __can’t.__ Not if his reactions over Matt were anything to go by, he’s too badly hurt so there is no chance. He’ll be wanting to spend time with his friends (basically just Saphira) to help him get over Matt, and if he __ever __manages to do that he won’t be looking for anyone else in a hurry. This means he won’t want to see me – either as a friend or as something more. As much as it hurts, I’d still prefer only being a friend to nothing at all.


	9. Chapter 9

ERAGON

I miss him so much it hurts. It hurts so much that I have become physically ill. I can't eat, I can't sleep. All I can do is miss him, and regret. I've stopped noticing what's around me. No, I think I've just stopped caring. I take refuge in the pain a knife can bring. It's better that way - it reminds me of my own shortcomings.

-XOX-

"Dance with me, Eragon." Saphira says softly, pulling my unresponsive body onto the dance floor. I stand there with her head resting on my chest, while she slowly swayed us slowly from side to side. Assuming we are at a club, we must stand out like a sore thumb moving so slowly.

MURTAGH

"Are you comfortable with your girlfriend dancing with another guy?"

Thorn just nods, his eyes not leaving the dancing pair. I only asked because __I'm__ not comfortable with Eragon dancing with a girl, even if he __is __gay and so heartbroken he's practically become the walking dead - __that __is how pale and thin he has become.

In all honesty, I hate the way his once fitting clothes now hang off his skeletal frame. Saphira has even taken to going round to make sure he actually eats, but it doesn't seem to have had any effect. I can't stand watching him do this to himself, and others trying feebly to help him.

I know what I __should__ do, but I don't know if I can.

"I'll take Eragon home tonight."

Thorn tears his gaze away to look at me questioningly.

"I...I think I might need to talk to him about Nick - the whole story - if...if I can." Thankfully, he doesn't know the whole story, just the highlights, and neither has he pressed me to tell him more. "I just want him to get over this."

He looks thoughtful for a moment, before finally nodding in agreement. Throughout the entire conversation, our eyes never left the dancing pair for more than a couple of minutes.

ERAGON

Something is wrong. Murtagh is walking me home, and the worrying part is that I don't know if this is a one off or if he has been...__nice__...to me for a while. I honestly can't remember. I haven't exactly cared enough to notice...until now (why is that?).

We walked through the darkened streets in complete silence, and he only spoke when we were at the door of the block of flats I live in.

"Look, Eragon, I really need to talk to you about something. Something that I've never told anyone the details about before now." Somehow I wasn't surprised that he had entered the building with me, following me to the stairwell. He was hardly the most open person in the world, and I couldn't imagine him saying such things in public.

-XOX

We sat on the sofa, surrounded by an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for an age. This was the first time I had felt anything other than hurt for a long while.

"I know what you're going through." No, he couldn't, nobody truly does, they just pretend. "The same thing happened to me." That would explain a lot...but Murtagh seems much too strong to have let someone completely take over his life like Matt did to me. I digress; since when has Murtagh had feelings?

"Only-" he balls his hands into fists and stares resolutely at his feet, "-there was no one around to stop him." He sounds so weak, so hurt and in that moment I realize just how good he is at hiding things. After a moment of silence, he begins his account of what happened with his eyes screwed shut, and his body held rigid.

"I was fourteen at the time - and a virgin on top of that. Nick was eighteen and about to leave for university. We met at a local music festival, and became inseparable after that. We...we always went further than I was comfortable with, but I drew the line at sex. As girly as it sounds, I just wasn't ready. I did genuinely love him. Then, one night, he came round. I could tell he wasn't drunk, despite the fact that I blamed it on that later. My father, as per usual, __was__. He let Nick take what he wanted by force and was laughing to himself about it long after he has left."

Here he stopped, desperately trying to forget what he had just said, repeatedly fidgeting with his hands. Eventually, he managed to compose himself enough to continue.

"I never saw him again. I couldn't understand why he did that or why he left without a word. I blamed what had happened on many things, but it quickly became apparent that I wasn't going to hear from him again. I...I still loved him, even though he hurt and used me."

He stopped talking, to look me in the eyes. There was no pain there, no anger. "I'm trying to say that you never get over someone you loved; the pain just gets easier to bear as time passes."

I think I understand what he means; you have to keep living, lingering on the past will only make it hurt more.

"Murtagh?" I wasn't overly surprised to see him with his hand on the doorknob, trying to run away. He turned at the sound of his name. "Thank you." I genuinely meant it; I was grateful he trusted me enough to tell me in the first place. It was a lot to take in, and I needed time to process it all.

"No problem. Just...don't tell anyone, not even Thorn - he doesn't know all of it, and neither does he need to." I nod in agreement, having already made that decision before he brought it up. I stood leaning against the door frame, watching him make his way down the door filled corridor.

"If you ever need to talk, you know where I am!" He turned and yelled halfway down it. His distance - for once - was a good thing because he couldn't see the small smile that had settled itself onto my face.

MURTAGH

He thinks I missed that smile, but I saw it. I just chose not to draw attention to it. Besides, it is a vast improvement to the usual impassive expression on his face. That was the hardest thing I have __ever __had to do but it was worth it if it helped Eragon - even if only a little bit. I would willingly suffer a thousand times worse than that just to see him happy.


	10. Chapter 10

MURTAGH

__Bang! Bang! Bang!__

"Eragon~!" He answers the door, and his face was visibly relieved to see it was only Thorn and myself - who knew who he had feared we were.

"What?" The wide grin (I know, I know, shut up) slid right off of my face.

"He forgot. C'mon Thorn, let's go." I turned to leave but Eragon had grabbed onto my arm.

"Don't go! I thought it was tomorrow, is all." He looks a lot better and his suggestion of this get together is testimony that he is trying to work past Matt. It makes me glad that I could help him and produce such a result in such a small span of time.

I know it has irked Saphira to no end that I could help where she couldn't. But - like the rest of us - she isn't overly fazed by the means, and is focusing more on the outcome.

-XOX-

"Kiss Eragon!"

Dammit, I really hate Arya right now. She's drunk. Hell, we're __all__ drunk. Why Eragon suggested we play a game for teenage girls, I have no idea. But I will bet any amount of money that he is regretting it now. We're playing dares, with stripping as the forfeit (original, right?). I'm the only one who hasn't taken anything off yet - jackets, accessories and shoes don't count - and thankfully nobody has gotten naked enough to mentally scar me. Yet.

"With tongues!" She adds delightedly. Eragon isn't looking at me and is shifting uncomfortably from the unwanted attention.

"Only if he wants me to." I mentally face palm as soon as the words left my mouth. Way to set myself up for rejection! He looks over at me and slowly, hesitantly nods his head. I find I am briefly dumbstruck by the action, but quickly pull myself together before anybody can notice.

I scoot over until I am next to him, cupping his cheek and gently turning him to face me. There is a small amount of fear in his eyes, but it is almost drowned out in the trust. To hell with it, I'm doing this! I kiss him softly, before returning to nice my lips against his own. I no longer cared about the dare; I wanted this.

I gently pry open his lips with my tongue and rub it against his, coaxing him to respond. I heard Arya squeal when she realizes that we are __actually__ using our tongues. Her and her stupid yaoi fetish. Clearly she didn't expect us to do that part.

Eragon twined his fingers into my hair - probably mussing it more than a little bit - whilst tentatively moving his tongue against mine. I had to fight back a groan, and resist pinning him. Oh, God, I want to so badly! Quite soon he became bolder and it turned rapidly into a frenzied battle for dominance. I decided to humour him and let him win - only a little, I do have__ some__ pride after all. It's not that I liked him being controlling, not at all...okay, fine, yes I did. More importantly, he was no longer afraid of asserting himself. I was afraid of crossing the line and pushing him away again, so I had no choice but to let him dictate the boundaries.

I managed to tell my mind where it could stick its fantasies and stay within those limits. After what seemed an age, we broke apart for air. Our gasping was the only sound that could be heard within the apartment.

Once I was able to take in my surroundings, I noticed that everyone was staring at us, completely gobsmacked. Eragon obliviously broke the silence, with a dazed smirk on his face, saying "That was __way__ better than the last one."

Thorns eye twitched in shock and I had to suppress a laugh - it seemed he hadn't found out about the party after all.

“Yes, infinitely. __And __I didn’t get punched this time.” I agreed.

Eragon just blushed. I secretly think of it as claiming Eragon as mine, but I knew it was a load of rubbish. It was __much__ too soon for that.

-XOX-

“’Tag, just __how much__ do you like Eragon?”

This was one of the rare times that Thorn and I were alone. We’re at my place, watching a movie that we have seen hundreds of times: it’s our undisputed favourite.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Dammit please just leave it alone!

“Don’t lie to me. I see the way you look at him; I just want to know how serious you are.” I just realized: I __want__ everyone to know how serious I am.

“More serious than I have ever been before it felt like I was dying watching him with Matt, and afterwards…” He simply squeezes my shoulder and, after a moment, releases me to grope blindly in the darkness for the bowl of popcorn.

ERAGON

I paid for our coffees and weaved my way through the overcrowded coffee shop to the table Saphira had claimed for us. I sat down and handed over her drink.

"So. Not that It's not nice to see you and all, but you arranged this for a reason, didn't you?"

At this point, I am almost back to how I was pre-Matt - minus several pounds and the fact that I was overly paranoid about seeing him, jumping at shadows. And therein lies the problem. Not the paranoia or weight, no. The fact that I am almost back to the way I was before the whole Matt fiasco. We had talked about this briefly before, but Saphira's patience has probably worn thin waiting for me to tell her myself.

"You know why. What brought about this sudden change?"

She blew on her steaming cup and took a sip. I never understood how she could drink it without first waiting for it to cool slightly. If I am completely honest here, I already have the answer rehearsed so I don't accidentally give away anything that I shouldn't.

"I had a long talk with Murtagh he sort of...put things into perspective for me. I'm sorry Saph, but he made me swear not to say anything. It's a really personal matter for him."

She took another gulp of coffee and I am surprised to see it half gone - I haven't even started mine yet. I hastily bring it to my lips and wince as it scalds my tongue. Still too hot to drink. Saphira looked like she was struggling with something.

"It's fine, Eragon. But I'm your best friend! I'm supposed to be able to help you!"

So __this__ is what this is truly about. I can't say that she couldn't help because she didn't have personal experience. In the end I decide to try to bluff my way out of it.

"I think it is __because__ you're my best friend that you were unable to help: I needed to hear it from someone else."  
"And that person had to be Murtagh?"

She dislikes him still over the whole 'frigid boy's thing, never found a reason to forgive him for it - something like that. She's only looking out for me.

"Apparently, yes."

"Are you sure It's not because you hold him in such high esteem?"

I choke on the mouthful of coffee I had just taken when I realize what she is insinuating. She gives me a withering look, as if it were all my fault. I'll have you know it was not! She is the one losing her sanity, not me!

"Saphira, I can assure you that is not the case."

"But you seem so...attached to him lately. I don't want to see you hurt again."

It is completely understandable, of course, but I doubt anything like Matt will happen again...and if it does I'll have previous experience to help me get over it. Hopefully.

"Saphira, I sincerely think that I do not like him in that way. I am just grateful for what he did to help."

She had begun her ritual of shredding the paper cup once she had finished. She does that every time we have a coffee while waiting for me to finish. The task held her full concentration until she looked up at me.

"Then how do you explain the kiss?"

She has a point, had it been anyone else dared to kiss me, I would have outright refused. But that was because I would not have felt comfortable if it had been any one of the others - right? It doesn't essentially mean that I still like Murtagh in that way. Believe me, I passed that hurdle ages ago, before I even met Matt.

"I don't know." It's the truth, and I don't particularly want to linger in that direction of thought - I might not like what I find.


	11. Chapter 11

ERAGON

Clubbing, clubbing, clubbing! That's all we seem to do in our free time, and I'm completely and utterly sick of it! It's just so repetitive! Honestly, you would have thought students would be more creative with their free time than they actually __are__.

Saphira comes round and 'dresses' me - like some kind of doll - then we go to the club and meet up with Thorn, Murtagh, Arya and her girlfriend Nasuada. Saphira and Thorn - along with Arya and Nasuada - go off to dance, which leaves Murtagh and me behind - the only ones who are single.

We both go to the bar, me ordering beer and him ordering half a dozen shots of vodka. His higher levels of tolerance just make me jealous, and to top it off he doesn't even get hangovers. After downing them, he goes off to grind against a random guy - he's currently in a liking guys only streak - leaving me by myself. Which is what I'm doing now. Drinking my third - or was it fourth? - Beer and not paying much attention to what is around me. Let's face it: why would I? None of my friends are anywhere nearby so I have no reason to.

I start with a squeak when a hand grabs onto my thigh and a slurred voice says; "You're looking kinda lonely there, kid, so I'm thinking we should have a little fun..." He trails off in what he thinks is a seductive manner, but it’s really __not__.

Since Matt, I am infinitely more suspicious of guys that try to chat you up at the bar. They don't seem to be able to understand the word 'no'.

"No thanks." I say, brushing away his wandering hand. Apparently he __is__ one of those people who can't understand it. His face turns even more red with anger than the alcohol had already made it.

"Now look here, kid-"

Oh, thank you, karma! I manage to make eye contact with Murtagh, hoping that he could tell by my face that I needed help. He came over, though thankfully not with the guy he had just been grinding, that would have been embarrassing. Not that either Murtagh or the nameless guy looked too bothered that they had stopped. In fact the other guy just turned around to dance with someone else.

"Did I just see you hitting on my boyfriend?" The relief upon seeing Murtagh saunter up evaporated, quickly turning into resent and confusion; __why__ is he talking about me like that? I have never seen Murtagh acting so territorial before, but it’s nice that he's standing up for me. The look of sheer malice on his face is creeping me out, so that guy should be scared, right? Wrong.

"What're you gonna do to me if I was?" I can't quite say how he's acting, but it seems cocky, almost flirty. Damn, he must be desperate. Murtagh just rolls his eyes and punched him in the jaw.

"__That__ is what I'm going to do. C'mon." He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me to the dance floor, right into the middle of the throng of dancing bodies. If __that__ can be called dancing, it looks more akin to dry humping to me. The lack of space forces me to press__ right__ up against him once he stops, once we're out of view of the bar. It's making me uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.

After a while he leans I'm and yells to be heard over the loud music, "Are you alright? He didn't do anything, did he?" I shake my head into his chest, not quite trusting myself to speak - or even look at him after that display of possessiveness. No, I remind myself, he was just looking out for me.

He seems satisfied with this, and quite content to sway us awkwardly to the music. But I still have something to say.

"Thanks! For what you did, I mean." He grins and I realize how much better it looks than that smirk he always seems to wear. "No problem. Now turn around so we can dance properly!" I pointedly ignore the deja vu, reminding myself that this is Murtagh and he is my friend, not looking for other things.

The strange thing is that I don't seem to mind the physical contact, the grinding against my arse or the incredibly slutty dancing we're doing. Wait, slutty? I swear I think like a girl __way__ too much than is completely necessary when I've had a drink or two.

MURTAGH

Trust me; I had no idea how arousing it would be, dancing with Eragon like __that__. It was incredibly difficult to __not__ get hard while grinding his arse. Though I am sure if I had, it would've ended badly, either that or we could've gone back to his...Jesus Christ, I need to get a grip! You already know he's off limits, so just drop it, okay?

Not okay. Not after feeling that lithe body moving beneath my hands. I loved the feel of it - not as skinny as it was a couple of weeks back, but not as muscled as it had been before the Matt incident (yes I was perving, got a problem with that?).

Though to be fair, I'd love him regardless of how he looks. The fact that he is so damn sexy is just a bonus.


	12. Chapter 12

MURTAGH

“’Tag? Can I have a word please? It's kind of important."

She knows I can't stand her, and I know she can't stand me - so why the hell does Saphira want to talk to me? And how can something be 'kind of’ important in the first place?

"Depends on what it is about." If it’s a load of crap, I swear I'll –

"Eragon." She says softly, looking at me carefully. She clearly didn't want anyone else to hear that. My instant reaction is to stop dead, right in the middle of the path. Did Thorn tell her? No, he couldn't have. I manage to gather my wits together pretty quickly, and am soon moving again, a little faster than before.

"C'mon, somewhere quieter." She follows silently, absorbed in her own thoughts. I'm glad she didn't try to make small talk; I probably would have lost it if she had. Just being around her - and Arya for that matter - grates on my nerves.

-XOX-

We stop in the middle of the sparse woodland that surrounds the university - incidentally a different area to where I eavesdropped on Eragon and Saphira. The woodland there is much thicker. Saphira sits on a bench and motions for me to do the same.

She is thinking hard about what she has to say, sometimes opening her mouth and closing it again when she thinks better of it. I try not to laugh when it conjured up the image of a fish. "How long has it been since you last slept with anyone?"  
"The fuck?! What kind of question is __that__?" Honestly! Breaking personal boundaries much? She is one messed up chick! Why would she even go there?

"I bet it was before you met Eragon." She is managing to stay unnaturally calm, considering what she just asked. Hell, __I'm__ not calm; she nearly gave me a heart attack! It's hard to concentrate after that.

"I don't exactly keep track, but a couple of weeks after? A month at most? Look, what does this have to do with anything?" I force myself to calm down, but I can't help but notice that this line of questioning is only making __me__ uncomfortable.

"He loves you, you know? Anyone who sees you two together would agree and mistake you for a couple." Hah, she has officially lost it. What can she be thinking of?!

"What? You've lost me-"  
"-look, I know you like him and he likes you, so ask him out already!" I'm astounded - so much so that I sat the first thing that comes into my head.

"I...he...he likes me? Still? Even after how I've been?" I curse inwardly, wishing I hadn't just made it so obvious to her.

"Look, you make him happy, and I know you won't hurt him, so just do it! I know you want to see him happy, too. He deserves it after what he's been through." She gets up and walks off into the woods.

"But-" All of the reasons were ready to make themselves heard: it being too soon; me being unable to care for him properly; not wanting to hurt him. But they never got the chance to be voiced.

"-I said do it!" She can be scary when she wants to be. I wonder what she would do to me if I don't...actually, I don't think I __want__ to know.


	13. Chapter 13

ERAGON

  
Somehow I think I missed the transaction between winter and spring - I think we __all__ did. It is unnaturally hot for this time of year -which led to an impromptu gathering at the green near Saphira's apartment. To __sunbathe__. Yeah, as if __that's__ ever going to happen.

No self-respecting guy would do such a thing! Oh, who am I kidding, I’ll probably get forced into it. I arrive at where we're supposed to be meeting to find Saphira sprawled out on the grass in nothing but a bikini. There is a pair of shorts and a vest top folded up under her head, acting as a pillow. I don't as much as blink - we've done this too many times before.

"Eragon, c'mere." She pats the ground next to her on the side that means my shadow won't fall on her. I sit where she indicates and pointedly ignore her comments about me 'always covering up.' I don't, by the way, there's just too many people I know around. She sits up, faces me and manages to pull off my shirt pretty fast.

Like I said, we've done this countless times before. I don't know why we even keep up the charade any more. Why does she__ always__ have to have it her own way? Ugh. It's too hot to fight back, might as well give in - I'll only lose anyway.

"No point putting it back on now, is there?"

I take my shirt from her and lay down, using it as a pillow. Maybe these past experiences have feminized me. What if it turned me gay?! Oh, who am I kidding, Saphira was probably just trying to eject me from the closet.

  
-XOX-

  
"Well now, isn't that a sight to behold?" I lazily crack open an eye to identify the owner of the sexy voice and sit up.

"What do you mean, 'tag?" He sits on my other side and takes hold of the hem of his shirt.

"Exactly what I said." Taking off his shirt musses up his hair in a __really__ nice way. He can't be talking about Saphira; he's still in the 'I like guys only' phase...oh.

My cheeks heat instantly, but thankfully he doesn't seem to notice. He lays down, resting his head in his meshed fingers and shifts slightly to get comfortable. I swear I did not just ogle at his lean muscles flexing. Not that he's muscular per se, just well-toned.

My eyes drift down his chest - shut up, don't say a word - and I have to suppress a gasp. Not because it looked hot - trust me, it __really__ did - but because of numerous scars that littered his chest and abdomen. There aren't lots of them - probably around ten separate ones in total - but they all look as though they were deep at the time. A strange urge suddenly overcomes me.

I check his eyes are actually closed (I would have completely lost my courage if they had been) before reaching out to gently touch a particularly nasty looking one with my fingertips. I trace the pale, puckered indentation from just below the right hand side of his ribcage - where it started - down his stomach and I only stop when it disappeared under his über tight jeans on his right hip bone. I growl softly at the offending jeans, before trailing my fingertips back the way they came and jumping to the bottom of a nearby one that snaked up his chest and over his shoulder before coming to an abrupt half halfway down his bicep.

The thing is - if you consider the way he is laying - I reached the bit over his shoulder and didn't expect to go further, however he moved his arm from behind his head to give me access to the part of the scar on his bicep. It's as if he didn't mind it, or god forbid __actually__ liked it. It's quite strange, considering he doesn't normally let people touch him, even if he likes them.

I shake the thought away and continue to trace the patterns permanently embedded onto him. For some reason I'm fascinated by them. I want to know the story behind them, but feel it's not really my place to ask such personal questions of him.

  
  
MURTAGH

  
I watch him trace the scars with one eye, the other closed to shield it from the glare of the sun. It was a worrying moment indeed when he ran out of reachable scars on the right side of my body. I certainly __did not__ expect him to straddle me in order to reach the other side. Not to say it wasn't appreciated, just unexpected -and making me struggle to control myself and keep my body in check. 

He was just going over a sensitive spot on my stomach - I'm ticklish, get over it - when Thorn let out a deep growl of warning. He wasn't sunning himself like the rest of us, but sitting. It looked as though he was keeping watch over us or something. I propped myself up onto my elbows as not to dislodge Eragon and gave him a quizzical look. He just nodded at something to my left. I looked, and my heart missed a beat at what I saw.

Matt, walking this way with his usual creepy, self-satisfied smirk on his face. Eragon hadn't noticed yet, but had moved back up to the left side of my ribcage, which looked more innocent than before. I wanted to give him some kind of warning, but didn't know how to.

"What's this? You a cutter?" He demands once he has stopped next to me and can properly see what Eragon was tracing. It had probably looked quite compromising from a distance, with both of us shirtless. That's probably what drew his attention in the first place. Eragon had frozen upon hearing the voice of his pushy ex.

"Actually, no. These I didn't do." Eragon leans back, so that he is sitting on my thighs and doesn't look like he's trying to get it on with me any more. Well, not as much as it did before.

"So you'll fuck him, but not me?" He turns to Eragon, having grown bored of attempting to torment me.

"It...It’s not like that." He stutters out in a quiet voice. My heart quivers at the unspoken emotions behind those simple words.

"It's. Not. Like. That. Well, what__ is__ it like? Huh? I bet-" I can't stand seeing him intentionally hurt Eragon like this. It's time for the knight in shiny black armour to come to the rescue!

"Just go. You're not wanted here, so unless you want your ass kicked again, which can totally be arranged, right Thorn?" He nods, menacingly glaring daggers at him.

"Wh-what?" He looks stunned - so he__ didn't__ see us after all.

"Didn't you hear me? Get the fuck outta here, you lameass prick!" He turns and hightails it, probably because Thorn was cracking his knuckles is preparation. Everyone is silent for a while, watching Eragon clench and unclench his fists in the grass either side of him. For once I wish Arya was here, she would have made that bastard’s ears bleed.

Saphira's gaze quickly switches to me, then back to Eragon, flicking back and forth. She's giving me a meaningful look each time. It takes me a few looks to realise what she's hinting at. I take action straight away. I sit up fully, bringing us face to face.

"You okay?" He shakes his head roughly with tears bursting from his eyes and throws himself the short distance at me. He wraps his arms around my waist and sobs into my shoulder. What should I do? I do the only thing I can think of and hug him back, giving him a way to vent the hurt and confusion.


	14. Chapter 14

MURTAGH

At the end of the day, we went our separate ways home. That is, excluding Eragon and myself, since we only live a couple of streets away from each other. I’m going to do it. I don’t know when the decision was made exactly, but now it has been made I want to act on it immediately. I’ve always been one to make rash, impulsive decisions so it shouldn’t really come as a surprise to me.

“Eragon?” He glances at me, indicating to go on. ”I know that it didn’t work out with Matt…” No, this is coming out all wrong. Change track! “Look, I really like you and I’ll always look out for you and be there when you need me, I’ll scare off the creeps for you – even if you don’t want me to. I won’t force you into anything – urgh! This is coming out totally wrong! You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” I’m babbling, he makes me nervous. I’ve never had so much at stake before, never been able to like anyone enough to have been in a similar situation. He shakes his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I take a deep breath, and I feel for a moment as if I were about to throw myself off a building and into the unknown. Maybe I am. I am – almost literally – throwing caution to the wind and putting my whole life in his hands.

“I love you.”

I whispered quietly, so quiet that for a moment I thought – hoped – he hadn’t heard because I wasn’t going to say it again. I had already lost my resolve from saying it.

ERAGON

“I love you.”

I kept on walking, unable to process what he had just said. __No!__ My brain screamed at me, switching inexplicably into full blown panic mode. It was flashing images of Matt in my mind, burning a thousand doubts into me. He wouldn’t be like that, would he? My body finally caught up to the panicked state of my head and sent the signal to my legs to run as fast as they could. I was entirely unable to stop the blind panic from propelling me forward at a speed which I would normally be unable to accomplish.

MURTAGH

He ran. He ran. See? You’re worthless! He doesn’t want you! Nobody does. What do I do? I don’t feel heartbroken like I had imagined I would in this scenario, just hollow.

-XOX-

I pushed into the flat as soon as the door opened, taking a swig from the open bottle of whiskey in my right hand. The vodka in my left was for when that ran out. I bought them on my way over, since Thorn never keeps anything stronger than beer in his flat. I fall into my favourite chair and wait for Thorn to take the one opposite me.

“Why? Why’d I have to be so stupid? Of course he doesn’t like me. Why the fuck would anyone care for poor, depressed, abused Murtagh?! Why’d I talk myself into this?”

I must be more affected by this than I had originally thought, if I was willingly talking about my problems without as much as a prompt.

“What happened?”

I raise the bottle to my lips, swallowing several large mouthfuls to brace myself. I grimace at the stinging it leaves as it goes down.

“For some reason I let your girlfriend talk me into asking Eragon out.”

I sounded bitter, but it was just the whiskey still stinging. I don’t deny saying ‘girlfriend’ as though it was a nasty word was intentional though. Hey, I never liked her much in the first place. I downright hate her after setting me up to do that.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. I haven’t ever heard him swear before. “I’ll be back; I just need to call someone.” Must be his girlfriend.

I watch him walk into his room and close the door – before jumping up to listen in. I hope he gets pissed with her.

-XOX-

“Saph.” There was silence for a while. Then – “How could you put him up to do something like that? ...ask Eragon out of course! It may not seem like it but he has feelings too! …well, judging by how pissed he is right now, I’m going to say badly! …of course he cares! …do you want to know why he acts the way he does? The reason he hides everything, bears it all alone? I don’t like this turn of conversation; I don’t want people to know.

“Do you know __how__ he got those scars of his? Because trust me, it is not the most pleasant of tales. I cleaned him up as best I could, but I couldn’t stop it. He begged me not to snitch on him to the police. What was happening to him made me feel sick, and I didn’t have to live through it. It must have been hell for him, knowing that – “

I definitely don’t like this topic; I can’t stand to hear any more of this. He’s making it sound too much like a sob-story. I lived through it. I moved on. The end. I back away from the door, finishing off the whiskey as I do so. I leave the empty bottle on the small coffee table. I don’t like being hurt. I am a failure – father was right. He saw it long before I could.

ERAGON

Why did he do that? Was it some kind of sick joke or something? Only he could do something like that; trick me into liking him then…no. don’t think, just go home as fast as possible, then then I can make sense of things. Murtagh just fucks everything up until I can’t see straight. You want things normal and make sense again, don’t you? No, I want to turn around and go back…then what? Do you expect him to just forgive you? You ran away from him, he won’t ever speak to you again! If it wasn’t a joke you just broke his heart, it’ll be more than you deserve. The rain begins to fall, slow at first but quickly becoming a downpour. My apartment is too far away, I’ve got to find shelter – and fast!

-XOX-

I don’t remember much after that – just watching sodden people hurry past – until my phone began to ring. I accepted the call without thinking, and nearly threw the phone away from me when I heard the voice. “Eragon, are you okay?”

Silence. If you’re quiet she might go away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Just go, please, just go. “Eragon, where are you?”

I look around, realising I didn’t actually know. “In a tree...” Damn, there goes trying to ignore her.

I hear her snort and say, “How did you get there?! My body was on autopilot by then.

“I…I ran. Saph, I didn’t mean to…I just wasn’t thinking straight!” My body is beginning to shake with suppressed sobs, and I have no idea why. I just wish I could erase the past hour and re-live it differently. “Talk to me, I want to help.”

The autopilot poured out the whole story, how I felt and about the ‘sick joke’ theory. The autopilot even told her about it taking over and making me panic and run from him.

“Saph, please, I’m really scared. What should I do?”

Silence, then; “You can’t do much at the moment, Murtagh’s in a pretty bad state and his mentality wasn’t all that stable to begin with. You can either wait for him to calm down – and risk him clamming up on you – then talk to him. Or you could find him now, wherever he is-“

“You mean he isn’t at Thorn’s? I would’ve seen him go past if he went home.” Icy tendrils of fear are slowly winding themselves around my heart and the pit of my stomach.

“No, why?”

Saphira said his mentality wasn’t all that stable, but that doesn’t mean anything – does it? __‘Actually no, these I didn’t do’__. That could mean absolutely anything, but deep down I know it means exactly what I fear. Behind the statement something else is implied.

“He might do something, something bad. I don’t know what exactly but I need to know: where does he go when he wants to be alone?”

I hear the faint sounds of conferring as I fidget impatiently. Saphira finally answers in a trembling voice. “The dam.”

He is. He’s going to do something stupid, and it will all be because of me, because of what I did. I’ve got to stop him! I hang up, not bothering to say goodbye. I jump from the tree and set off running as fast as I can. I would never be able to forgive myself if he did…that…over my inability to communicate. I just panicked…

MURTAGH

The dark waters swirl below me, steadily rising as the rain mingles and joins with it. Soon they’ll be forced to open some of the flood gates – the dam was already at maximum capacity when I got here and its raining really hard now. I’m soaked through and I know my leather jacket will be ruined, but I just don’t care.

The ice cold water is sobering to the point where I don’t feel like I have drunk anything. Damn alcohol, not working properly. I wanted my mind to be out of it, so it didn’t come up with any stupid comments. I move to stand at the midway point and lean over the safety wall, watching, waiting.

With a metallic screech, the floodgate below me opens, alone with ones somewhere to my left and right, but I’m not concerned with either of those. I climb onto the safety wall, and take a deep, calming breath. Just like superman, only you can’t fly… my mind sniggers at me and I join in with a weak smile. That’s the whole point…


	15. Chapter 15

ERAGON

“’Tag?” He jumps in surprise and I swear my heart nearly stopped when he almost lost his balance. Please don’t scare me again like that, don’t fall. He turns to me with dead eyes and a flat, emotionless voice.

“What? Just leave me be.”

He turned back to look at the crashing water and crouched there, transfixed. This is it; no lies, no false pretences and certainly no running.

“I don’t want you to die.” He turns to me, his eyes cold and calculating. I’m terrified, but try not to let it show.

“Why do you care?”

Here it comes…oh shit, I’m crying again. At least the rain disguises it; I don’t want him to see how much the prospect of losing him is hurting me.

“Because…I love you.”

It was quiet, which wasn’t helped by the hammering rain. My eyes clamp shut of their own accord and my hands curl into fists at my sides. I was antsy, needing to move. But I was afraid that if I began to move I would be unable to stop myself from fleeing once again. A hand cups my cheek and my eyes fly open in surprise.

“You only said that to stop me, didn’t you?”He has a sad smile on his face and a small flicker of hope in his hazel eyes.

“No! I really do! Earlier, I just panicked-“

He crushed my lips with his, relief and elation transferring themselves into his actions. He pulled away and let his forehead rest against mine. we just looked at each other, words meaningless at this point. After what seemed an eternity, he broke the silence.

“We should go back…and dry off.” I started as I focused on the way droplets of water dripped from his bangs in the most alluring way…albeit one that reminded me of a drenched cat. Yes, I agreed, it would be best to get out of this storm before it got worse.

MURTAGH

“Come in!” he insisted. I shouldn’t really but it’s becoming increasingly harder to deny him anything. I stand in the middle of his living room, shivering and trying not to look as he stripped down to his sodden boxers. I said trying, not succeeding.

“Take it off; I’ll go find some clothes for you.”

Damn, that’s one sexy ass! I quickly remove the waterlogged clothes and put on the ones Eragon left on the chair for me. As expected with our height difference, they were far too short, not that I minded. Once I was done, I stood in the doorway to the kitchen to watch Eragon making hot chocolates. Well, I wasn’t really. He was wearing low hanging, baggy sweats and nothing else. I was completely captivated watching the muscles of his back move. He turned, catching me staring, and blushed. Caught in the act!

“I really should go back-“

“Don’t! Don’t go!”

The small amount of sky I could see from where I was lit up briefly, and was followed soon after by the low rumble of thunder. Eragon jumps and looks at the ground embarrassed.

“I…I’m scared.”

We stand there, looking at each other and trying to work out what the other is thinking. It somehow fits, that Eragon is afraid of thunderstorms. The silence is interrupted by another rumble of thunder, making Eragon jump and sidle up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my chest. Shit.

“I really should go…”

He mumbles his protests into my chest and tightens his arms, effectively getting rid of __any__ space between us.

“I haven’t whacked in a while, so sorry if…y’know…” crude, I know, but it gets the point across. Besides, it’s not like I’m in a fit state to think of something more eloquent. I’m far too focused on preventing myself from ravishing him this instant.

“Who said I wanted you to hold back?”

He jumps again as a boom of thunder sounds through his flat, causing unwanted friction in certain areas. Why does he have to go and say something so sexy and alluring? Unless it is meant as an invitation…damn, I think the last of my self-control just flew out of the window

ERAGON

I screamed, twining my fingers into his hair, forcing myself to watch with morbid fascination as he swallowed __everything__. I lay there, desperately trying to fill my lungs with the air it needed whilst twitching uncontrollably in the aftermath of my first orgasm that wasn’t self-induced.

“That was…amazing.”

He smirked his sexy smirk, saying, “Really? Because I thinks it’s about to get a whole lot better.” He emphasised his last word by curling the fingers embedded in me so they gently grazed my spot. I cried out again – mostly from surprise as my mind had been preoccupied with coming that it had forgotten they were there. Hey, you would have been unable to concentrate in that situation too!

“I want you to fuck me.” I moaned, meaning every word of it. Finally __wanting__ it for once.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He pulled out his fingers, leaving behind a – decidedly depressing – feeling of emptiness, which was followed soon after by the sensation of being strangely complete.

-XOX-

…it’s too early to get up! But that isn’t my alarm. I pick up the phone without looking at the caller and answer by saying; “Sex is the best, Saph. You should try it sometime.”

Reckless, I know, but who else is it likely to be? I hang up before she has a chance to reply and let Murtagh pull me back against his warm body.

“What was that for?”

“She had to find out sometime.” I could imagine him grinning at this; even though I can’t see his face.

“True.”

-XOX-

BANG! BANG!

“Eragon let me in!”

Jeez, doesn’t she __ever__ give up? Moments later the banging stops.at last…wait, where is he?

Murmuring can be heard through the thin walls from the living room. That explains that then. I get up, pull on a random pair of boxers and wander into the living area, vaguely noticing from a glance at the window that it is late afternoon. I know I have bed hair, but there’s no reason for Saphira to be looking at me like __that__. I’m probably covered in hickies too, but that’s no excuse either.

I let myself be pulled into Murtagh’s lap, but wriggle around to annoy him. Or accidentally make him hard. Either works fine. He lets out a low groan.

“Was last night not enough for you?” He mutters into my ear, gently biting on the lobe. I burst out laughing as the front door slams shut.

“Did you see her face?!”

“And there was me thinking you wanted sex again.” He says, his body beginning to absent-mindedly grind against me.

“I do, badly. Carry me to the bedroom.”

I let need take over my voice and look up at him demurely from under my eyelashes. We couldn’t make it to the bedroom fast enough. In fact I don’t think it is humanly possible to have moved faster.

-XOX-

I’m determined to find out what it is that Murtagh is still hiding from me. I call up Saphira while Murtagh has a class and asked to speak to Thorn. Needless to say, it was awkward – I don’t know him that well and we were talking about his best friends private matters. How could it not have been? Thorn – as I had expected – refused to talk about it. After much begging and pleading he must have felt sorry for me because he finally gave me the cryptic advice to; “look to the cause of his scars, that will explain everything you need to know.”

He hung up as soon as he said this, probably fearing I would manage to pester more information out of him. At least now I had a vague idea of where to start.

MURTAGH

“’Tag…”

Dude, I was just about to fall asleep. Not that I’m complaining, I really can’t get enough of Eragon.

“Mmm?”

“If you didn’t do it, how did you get these?” Yep, he’s playing with my scars again, trailing his fingers down the extension of the first one he touched the other day. It goes down my hip bone and twirls around my thigh until it reaches my kneecap.

“That one? Broken beer bottle.”

His beautiful face contorts into a frown as he thinks about it. “But-“

“I was knocked out and tied up, okay?” I really, really don’t want to talk about this but I’m simply too sleepy to voice my protests.

“What about this one?” He gently touches one on my shoulder that goes down my back. I swallow, trying not to remember and stay detached from it. It almost works.

“All of the ones on my back…Belt.” He frowns again; apparently he had been expecting something normal, such as a car crash.

“And these?”

“Razor blade…scissors…ripped aluminium can…carving knife…scalpel – don’t ask how he got hold of one, he just did.” I rattle off explanations as he indicates each one.

“I thought you said you didn’t do any of them?”

“I didn’t.”

“Then who or what did? And don’t you dare try and pass it off as an accident!” damn, my sleepy brain had been about to do just that. Am I really that transparent?

“My…my father did them, okay?” I wonder if he’s made the connection with letting Nick do what he wanted. If not, he will eventually. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He’s silent for a long time, a __very__ long time. Just when I though he had fallen asleep, he whispered: “__I __think they’re hot.” A smile slowly breaks out on my face. I reach out and pull him closer to me.

“Thanks, you have no idea what that means…”

“’Tag! I’m trying to sleep!” I shut up and curl closer to the amazing man in my arms.


End file.
